Letters To God: Crumbs of Hope

Dear God;
I've failed You again, would You forgive me?
I've let You down again, would You hold on to me?
I've distrusted You again, would You not give up on me?
How many times have I lied to You and yet You keep on giving me a second chance, how many times have I broke my ties with You and yet You continue to deliver me from the pitfalls of darkness to the shadows of light, how many times have I lost faith in You and yet You grow Your faith in me???
How or why do You still love me, give me, and provide for me after all I've done... After what I've done???
Do I really deserve Your Mercy?
Do I deserve Your Love?
Do I deserve Your Graciousness?
Do I deserve Your Trust?
All the doors are closed around me and I'm tied down on my knees, cannot get up to knock!!!
Will You take my hand and give me the strength to knock? Will You answer my weak shivering sighs, lest I might be saved or forgiven?
I need an answer, a glimpse of light, a breath of air to hold my soul in place and not despair...
I need a safe abode to open my eyes once again and see Your light, shining through me and for me, drawing me close to You, guiding my way to You and only You!!! I need no one else but You. I need to cling to my crumbs of hope until the last breath I take, the last heart beat, the last pulse of time... I need what I need in that need of the need to You, so Dear God, take me back to You.