Letters To God: Crumbs of Hope

Dear God;
I've failed You again, would You forgive me?
I've let You down again, would You hold on to me?
I've distrusted You again, would You not give up on me?
How many times have I lied to You and yet You keep on giving me a second chance, how many times have I broke my ties with You and yet You continue to deliver me from the pitfalls of darkness to the shadows of light, how many times have I lost faith in You and yet You grow Your faith in me???
How or why do You still love me, give me, and provide for me after all I've done... After what I've done???
Do I really deserve Your Mercy?
Do I deserve Your Love?
Do I deserve Your Graciousness?
Do I deserve Your Trust?
All the doors are closed around me and I'm tied down on my knees, cannot get up to knock!!!
Will You take my hand and give me the strength to knock? Will You answer my weak shivering sighs, lest I might be saved or forgiven?
I need an answer, a glimpse of light, a breath of air to hold my soul in place and not despair...
I need a safe abode to open my eyes once again and see Your light, shining through me and for me, drawing me close to You, guiding my way to You and only You!!! I need no one else but You. I need to cling to my crumbs of hope until the last breath I take, the last heart beat, the last pulse of time... I need what I need in that need of the need to You, so Dear God, take me back to You.

                                                                       

The more you lie, the more you die!

The more you lie, the more you die!
The more you lose yourself and scar your soul; you start by bluring the identity of the truth, you draw excuses, and become submissive to your deceptive mouth.
"What's your name?"
"My name is Falsity!"
It becomes your state of nature: you wake up, eat, drink, breathe, feel falsehoods and lies- and don't worry- it's just the beginning of your end!
Even your own life becomes a lie, and you no longer are familiar with what's really true and what's not!
"Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie." ---William Shakespeare
"One of the most striking differences between a cat and lie is that a cat has only Nine lives." ---- Mark Twain
Now tell me who you are now, or have you forgotten your real self?!

 This article has been also featured on OnIslam.net

On The Mini-Bus

Based on a true story!

Time: 11 P.M
Location: Typical Egyptian traffic-jammed street, with people queued in a zig zag row staring at me!!!


“OMG! How on earth am I going to get home at this hour?!” I mumbled to myself as I was waiting patientlessly for the mini-bus. Minutes passed like hours and finally the hand of aid came to pull me out of the crammed streets. I jumped on, was grabbed by the stuffed standing people, dangling from the windows and the door of the mini-bus, of course, not to my surprise! The driver whispered to me as I was squeezed in between the crowd, “Come here, sit next to me on the tableau missy!!” I was flattered to sit next to the driver, imagine that!
“What an honour!” I thought to myself sarcastically. “Me, sitting, oh that’s but a dream for every Egyptian mini-bus passenger!”
He drove like the wind, stopping for people in every bus stop, and people just kept jumping like bees in a bee hive trying to squeeze themselves in. “Isn’t this bus fully loaded or I am just hallucinating?!” I mean is there a limit for passengers, isn’t this driver going to say, “Enough!” ever?!!
There was technically no more space to fit in more heads or even hands. People were either suffocating or turning into smoked fish due to the fact that they were stuffed like tuna fish in a can.
An hour passed, and I was still sitting, laughing inside of sympathy for those helpless creatures that were waiting just like me to get home safely. Then I heard some creaking. A guy standing next to me couldn’t help himself from worrying, he leaned on the driver and said, “Excuse me! What is that sound?” the driver laughed and answered, “Don’t worry. If I was sure that it’s dangerous to drive this vehicle, I wouldn’t risk the passengers’ lives”.
“Yeah, right! As if you care!” I thought to myself, “I hope your engine is listening”. Finally I was approaching my home, and I was surprisingly relieved that I’m still breathing and didn’t pass out or anything due to lack of O2. The bus stopped, I tried to make my way out through and kept saying, “Excuse me, excuse me, I want to pass please!” I finally jumped off, sighed the relief of getting safely home, my home sweet home was waiting for me with bells of joy ringing!!

Heads Up: For those who haven’t had the pleasure and excitement of riding on a fabulous journey by the mini-bus before, should know that for a Girl to arrive home without either, having taken a shower of passengers’ sweat or pushed off the door, is a mission impossible but luckily accomplished!!!

A Message To My Enemy

Warning! Your Time is Up!
To My Enemy;
STOP! What are you doing with your life?
What have you done till now?
Are you going to spend your days either wondering hopelessly, or roaming through your endless negative thoughts of self-destruction?
WAIT! Do you realise that you are going down?! You wake up every day purposeless, you keep day-dreaming 24/7, you go to bed late at night and start blaming yourself for having wasted a lot of time crying over the past, thinking about the future, reciting non-stop, “What If?!”. LOOK! Do you see your pale, sick, vexed, strained face in the mirror? Do you like it? Are you willing to turn into a Zombie, paving your road to perdition to your restless end? BEWARE! Your expiry date is almost over, your time will soon be up, and you will realise that all your life was but a video tape being played in front of your eyes. What have you been doing with it? Have you achieved your goals? Are you satisfied with your decisions? LISTEN! Do not hide your ears, stand up to yourself, stand up to your enemy. Sloth will get you nowhere. It will just keep draining you till you are out of energy. Gluttony will overcome you, consume your body, and arrest your senses. Greed will manipulate your morality, and turns you into an over-concerned wealth striver. Wrath will manifest your feelings and turns you into a roguish avenger, keeps people away from you, and puts off the light of life in your soul. Envy will transform satisfaction into Greed, and Pride will ignite the desire of self-love and narcissism in your heart, and changes you into a devil worshipper.
So finally, are you done torturing yourself?
SENDER: Your Grave
Remember: “Every second you waste will be your evil witness in your grave… no second chances will be granted.”
"Think to yourself that every day is your last; the hour to which you do not look forward will come as a welcome surprise." -
-- Horace




    
 This article has been also featured on OnIslam.net

حتى لا يأكلك الأحباط

تذكر انك أنت أنت و ليس بمقدورك ان تكون غير نفسك
تذكر ان هذا العالم محور مسارك و انك أنت القادر علي تشكيلة و تغييرة
تذكر انك لن تخرج من الشرنقة بساعدك و أنما بسواعد العزم و الأصرار
تذكر ن الحياة ما هي الا رسالة يكتب محتواها بدماء الشهداء و ما نحن الا بشاهدين علي مأسي الزمان
تذكر كيف كان الذين سبقوك فلا تقع في نفس الحفرة و لا تشرب من نفس الصنبور
تذكر متعة النظر الي الذكريات و ان الذي فات قد مات
تذكر ان وجود الشيء من الاشيء هو حال الدنيا و انك الي الاشيء سوف تعود
تذكر ان النقطة السوداء في الصفحة البيضاء ما هي الا نقطة انطلاق
فلا تبكي علي اللبن المسكوب و لا تكثر من الأهاااات
حتي لا ياكلك الأحباط

Nostalgia

So let your arms soar
Like wings wide open,
And leave your battered soul,
To heal the wounds broken.
For what's a heart;
with no beat,
with no pulse,
lingering in the unknown,
waiting for the rain to fall;
to wash away the empty eyes,
to answer the empty sighs
Of thy lonely face?!
Questions left unanswered,
Words left unspoken!!!
Five million miles left untrodden
between yesterday and the next,
between tomorrow and the rest...
Who once loses a truth,
Loses the light of reality
And who once loses a reality,
loses the sound of destiny.
Forgiveness no longer saves
As much as lies would do,
So ask me not what people say
nor what they do;
Only keep me in your dreams,
Until I depart you too.

Praedicamentum Totalum

To be part of who you are is a mysterious ride you gotta take through the search of your identity. We're all part of human beings, part of that evolving species... We all know that, but what we're so oblivious to, is the fact that we're not even remotely related to who we really are!                                        

Basics are true but incidentals are awry; you were incepted into this world by mere heresies that have been given to you all through your shaping years, not knowing what's wrong or right. Your mother gave you some beliefs to adhere to, while your father told you to ignore them and live by his... And the story went on and on until you were no longer able to figure out your true purpose in life. Doesn't this aggravate your wits- that's if you have any left- to the extent of insanity and irrationality? Don't you wish you were born as an orphan so that you could make your own decisions and shape your own mind? Don't you crave for a portion of a second to scream out loud, to say, "I OBJECT!!!" even if your voice never reaches outside your bedroom door???
All these questions and more are the company of your long lone days and nights, they hit you in the head like a lightning bolt, fuzzle your senses, and make you re-consider your own existence! You always feel like you're in some sort of a problem, yet there's no problem whatsoever but yourself. Things don't seem to work out the way you want them to be, no matter how hard you try, you always seem to fail over and over again and never learn from your repetitive mistakes.
If all this applies to you then you're in a TOTAL PREDICAMENT!!!

Heaven or Hell

'Tis true;

But in heaven and hell,

I live, I breathe, I die

I taste the torments of the fire.

I cry, I cry and weep of sorrow;

Of selfishful regret.

I swim in the sweetness of my false desire,

I write, I write my own ending morrow.

I drink the laments of sweet childhood,

But then I grieve and crave for adulthood!

O! My lonely barren heart,

You are guilty of love,

Of hate,

Of kindness and of harshness.

Awake thou empty vessel,

And dwell not in thou state!

Of heaven or hell I cannot yet choose;

I see my soul half tainted,

half soothed,

half mended,

half bruised...

But of heaven or hell I cannot yet choose,

For in both I dwell,

And neither one can I lose!



Inspired by Dante's Divine Comedy: Purgatorio, Inferno, Paradiso

عقدة الخواجه- عايش و مش عايش

When you live in your country that's not your own; when you feel not home but someone else is taking your place in a perfect job with perfect salary, and perfect benefits, what does this say about us Egyptians? Why do we settle for less?? Why would I accept a job as an assistant teacher "under" a foreign teacher who doesn't necessarily have a bachelor's degree- just 3ou2det el 7'awaga and the native accent- and she get to be the main teacher and I'm just her shadow, taking care of the kids in class like a nanny?!!! I'm sorry but my mum didn't spend thousands of pounds on my education just so I get to be blessed by sitting in the corner and making a lot less money than I deserve! Screw the system that led us into this phase of hanging between two threads, living in our country and treated as inferiors, living abroad and treated as inferiors as well :S :S ALASSSSS :(


The so-called revolution should've been made to target this rusty ideology and erase it from existence. Egyptians should've been smart enough to realise that the some of all evil, has been deep-rooted not just by the corrupt system of the Three Muskteers, on the contrary, we've been the root of all that's gone wrong and out of the ordinary all along. Take our behaviour toward each other after the revolution as a clear and clean example of our way of thinking; before the revolution people used to have fights in the traffic lights like a normal day routine, like your regular intake of caffeine during the early morning, and still to this day it is, but what changed is the "Attitude". Whenever I try to cross the street nowadays, people miraculously enough "Allow" me to pass "with all their pleasure"!!!





So why now??? Why did we have to wait all those years for some rat to get down off his throne to change our attitude towards each other???? Are we just part-time losers who get to practise a certain habit during a certain time, and when things start to get dark and ugly we quit like a smoker?!!! And don't let me speak of Ramadan cause then I'll never shut up, but I'm really sorry for the state of self-deceptive "schizophrenia" that we live in. What else has to happen in order for us to wake up and smell the burned chicken on the stove?!!! Do we need another foreign invasion, and this time for real, for us to stick together and defend what's left of our Egyptianhood???


The truth is, no one gets to spit out the ugly truth for those who refuse to see it hanging in the sky, just because we are "أصحاب الدماغ العاليه".